An Ode to Football

For the sake of posterity, here is an email that I received from my sister just the other day:

I was bored in class last night. So, Brad and I each wrote song lyrics
for my new passion: Football. (For reals, his are really good. Mine,
below, are just plain hilarious)

Also, I had "Hey there, Delilah" in my head as I wrote them.

Good morning sunshine, have you got the remote ready
I know you and I are busy, but the game's on now

Oh, it aint just a game
No, It's a way of life.
And I know they'll lose if I don't watch

I'm actually not that lazy; my day's actually packed.
I gotta watch the quarterback get sacked.
The next twelve hours are really very busy
To see all thse games at once aint that easy

Oh, it aint just a game
No, It's a way of life.
And I know they'll lose if I don't watch

You never know when there will be an upset
There are reasons for Divisions, after all.
Oh, now that's a bull crap call.
Hey, come on, get that ball!

Oh, it aint just a game
No, It's a way of life.
And I know they'll lose if I don't watch

Don't you worry, he didn't get hit that hard
The team just really needed that one last yard..
So there really was good reason and after all, 'tis the season.

Oh, it aint just a game
No, It's a way of life.
And I know they'll lose if I don't watch

=)..........I am such a dork!
Kim

And, so, to let Kimmie know that she is not a dork (or not the only dork), here is a parody of "Sixteen tons" that I wrote when I was 16 during the 1997 NBA Playoffs (Jazz vs. Bulls):

If the Mailman comes by, you betta step aside.
A lotta men didn't. A lotta men died.
In one fist, the ball, the other, the mail,
If he doesn't getcha, then the rest of 'em will.

(chorus)
Ya' work 13 years and whadaya get?
Another year older and so little respect.
So, Bulls, just quit yer whinin' 'cuz we don't care
'Bout Jordan's earplugs or Rodman's hair...

I can't remember the rest, but there where three verses plus the chorus. It was some pretty intense basketball that year...

Comments

How Many Teeth Does The Tooth Fairy Pick Up Each Night in Utah?

Somebody asked me a question about my Tooth Fairy post the other day that got me thinking. How many baby teeth are lost every day in Utah?

I began with Googling. Surely someone else has thought of this and run some numbers, right? Lo, there is a tooth fairy site that claims that the Tooth Fairy collects 300,000 teeth per night.

That's a lot; however, when I ran the numbers, it started to seem awfully low.

Let's assume that the Tooth Fairy collects all baby teeth regardless of quality and we assume that all children lose all their baby teeth. The world population of children sits at 2.2 billion, with 74.2 million of them in the United States. Of those, approximately 896,961 of them are in Utah. This means that somewhere around .04077% of the world's children are in Utah.

If we assume that kids in Utah lose teeth at the same rate as all other children in the world and that each day in the year is just as likely as the rest to lose a tooth, then we have that of the alleged …

Five Reasons Serving on the Athlos Board is Fun Right Now

About 18 months ago, a friend of mine, Bethany Zeyer, let me know about an open position on the Athlos Academy of Utah school board. I've always had a passion for education, and my kids' school seemed like a place where I could have a positive effect on the community.

Also, I'd just finished reading "The Smartest Kids in the World" by Amanda Ripley and, based on Amanda's advice, interviewed the school's director.

I was in the mood to contribute!

I applied and was accepted, and I've been serving on the board for a little over a year now.

Since then, I've learned a whole lot about how a school is run.

I've learned that someone needs to determine the school guidelines for pesticide usage.

And that someone needs to be thinking about the long-term future of the school, whether or not to increase grade capacity, whether or not to match the pay increases big school districts are giving, and most importantly, evaluate whether or not the school is achi…

Twas the Night Before Pi Day

Twas the Night Before Pi Day
by Joshua Cummings

Twas the night before Pi Day, when Archimedes, the muse,
Went to pay me a visit whilst I took a snooze.

I'd visions of carrot cake, candy, and cheese
When dashed open my window and entered a breeze
That stirred me to consciousness, albeit in time
To see my face plastered in pie of key lime.

And once I'd removed the fruit from my eyes
And put on my spectacles did I realize
That before me presented a most divine spectre
Who clearly possessed the Key Lime Projector.

"It's a fulcrum, you see!" he began to explain,
"All I use is this crank to cause the right strain,
"Then releasing its fetter it launches sky high
"The juiciest pie of key lime in your eye!"

I sat there immobile for what seemed a year,
As the spectre protested I his genius revere,
When clearly it came, the fine revelation,
Of his piety, honor, achievements, and station.
With his little old catapult, so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment that this must be …

I'd Rather Be Deriving

Search This Blog